Milk duds

As Jennifer and I plunged into parenthood, our generous friends and family inundated us with a flood of gifts, including a fine piece of literature called Safe Baby Handling Tips. Many of you probably have seen some of the tips included in this book, as they have been spread throughout the internet. Our friends Jon and Dara, who are due in December, even posted some of these tips on their blog. Sociologists and pediatricians agree that if every parent followed the advice offered in Safe Baby Handling Tips, we probably wouldn't have all the problems we have in the world today. Thanks to this book, I know now that I shouldn't keep Kyle in a cage, wash him with a garden hose, or calm him down with booze (at least not until a few years from now). There's one particular tip, though, that I felt you should see:

Our little Kyle hasn't quite mastered this concept. Let's just say, as of now, Kyle is not picky about where his nutrition comes from... and for some reason, he seems to think that nutrition can come from me.

This does put a slight damper on our cuddle time. Just when I think Kyle's resting comfortably, he gets that wild look in his eyes, and then starts scaling Mount Dave, wiggling his body, kicking his legs, and bobbing his head up and down with his mouth wide open. There's no stopping him as he squirms left and right, in pursuit of that elusive fountain of milk. I try to reason with him, but he becomes more persistent than ever, letting out wails as he unsuccessfully tries my arm, my armpit, the left side of my chest, the right side of my chest, the middle of my chest, and, if I let him, my nose. I tell him that I can't help him, but the screams get only louder. Sometimes I manage to calm him down by giving him a finger, a bottle, or a steak, but that goes only so far. Eventually Jennifer comes to the rescue and provides Kyle with a proper feeding.

Of course, there is an upside to Kyle's confusion. We now know that Kyle is hungry whenever he starts sucking on my shirt, and the bobbing of his head is certainly helping with developing his neck muscles. However, I am a little leery of doing the "skin to skin" bonding, as recommended by some baby books. I would have to place him on my bare chest... and, well, I'm a bit concerned that he might try some serious milking and put me in a lot of pain.

I'm guessing Kyle will eventually grow out of this phase, perhaps before puberty. We'll probably wait, though, until long after grade school to show him the video we took of one of his unsuccessful hunts for milk. Maybe we'll just hold onto that until he gets a serious girlfriend.