High five

Jennifer did it! The years of hard work, studying and avoiding my many distractions finally paid off. Yesterday we learned that Jennifer passed the New York State Bar Exam.

As you may recall, the bar exam was the final part of the so-called "trifecta of insanity." In May Jennifer graduated. In June she gave birth to Kyle, taking just one week off from studying for the bar. In July she took the bar exam. The exam was extremely difficult (or so they say), but for the torture-loving people of the Bar Association, it simply wasn't enough. They needed to put all of us through more agony by waiting to reveal the test results until now. So we sat there anxiously like children waiting for Christmas, but instead of getting presents or coal from a jolly old elf and reindeer, we received our news from a bland website established by bureaucrats. Of course you know what that means: on the one day of the year the website needed to work right, it wouldn't load correctly, forcing us to wait another eternity. At least we still received a great present.

I'm glad Jennifer passed the bar, though I still have a few concerns about whether she's ready for her new career. Just the other day I asked Jennifer to make me a Long Island ice tea and she seemed awfully confused. She also didn't know how to make a white Russian or a vodka martini. That has me wondering whether that bar exam is as thorough as many have claimed it to be, and whether I will get all the perks I was expecting. At least Kyle is reaping the benefits: with all the studying done, he now has permission to drool all over Jennifer's bar prep books. That makes him one happy baby.

And speaking of Kyle... he's now five months old! Below is a new photo album. We didn't take as many pictures of Kyle this time around because he's doing fewer cute things. Don't worry, though - we've asked him to step it up for next month. He's such a slacker sometimes.

Kyle's Fifth Month

These days Kyle is trying out new foods. He's been eating rice cereal, applesauce, bananas, and pears. I hear next month we'll work our way up to vegetables, and then it's on to calamari and steaks.

Kyle is also flipping himself over and trying to crawl, though without much success. He hasn't figured out that you have to lift your head while doing it, so he ends up buffing the floor with his face and shining it with his drool. At least that's one less chore for me to do.

Life Lessons

I've received a lot of important lessons during the past several weeks. Some I learned just from observations - others came to light after some rather tragic mistakes, mostly involving food. I'd hate for anyone to be deprived of these valuable tidbits, so I figured I'd share them with you.

First Lesson: If you plan to cook a party-sized frozen vegetable lasagna, please check first how long it takes to cook. It might not take 45 minutes. In fact, it might need a full 2 hours to bake. Yours truly probably should have checked the box BEFORE dozens of people arrived at Jennifer's dad's home on the night of the visitation for Jennifer's mother. So, the lasagna had to wait for another night. Fortunately we had beer and Chex mix, and plenty of dollar-menu salads to fix the situation.

Second Lesson: If you plan to cook a party-sized frozen vegetable lasagna, make sure you put it in the oven. The day after the timing snafu, we went to church with the oven going, thinking we'd have that cheesy delight ready when we came home... only to realize then that the lasagna itself was still in the freezer. Thank goodness we had more beer. The frozen lasagna ended up becoming a nice doorstop.

Third Lesson: An airline boarding pass with a poop stain on it is still a legitimate boarding pass. It's true. I'm not sure about spit-up on a boarding pass, but I suppose we'll test that next time.

Fourth Lesson: Cows are a lot like children...



... they're often the source of foul odors.

Fifth Lesson: A child's cow costume does not guarantee Halloween candy for the child's dad... though a little begging helps.

Okay - enough of the lessons. I'm late with getting out some important pictures, so here they are, images from Kyle's fourth month:

Kyle's Fourth Month

I hope you enjoy them.

And one more thought, this one concerning what happened yesterday: Kyle will now grow up taking for granted that an African American was President of the United States. By the time he votes, he likely will have also seen the first (or second) female president. Kyle will grow up believing everything in this country is possible, and that any person - regardless of race or gender - can be President of the United States. For real.

It's such a great time to be an American.